Decisions

I have made many messed up decisions in my life. I dont know which ones are going ot be good or bad. I definitely make many bad ones though. I started talking to my mom for like the umpteenth time just recently. I did not tell anyone for fear of rejection. Well the rest of my family found out about it and that is exactly what I got. My family does not want contact with me anymore. This decision was probably not a good one, I can guarantee that, but no one understands what I am going through, NO ONE!!! I am sick of disappointing everyone, but to just throw me away as if I do not exist is horrible. I have no family, really. My husband and my kids are all I have. I am alone, so alone. I am so sick over this. I want to hurt myself, to just make the pain go away, I want to feel nothing anymore!!!!!